12   99
13   95
18   132
5   83
10   147
20   149
15   329
4   234
10   97
9   232

2019

2019

Last year in January I published my goals for 2018 and anti-goals. Since then, I haven’t really stuck to my goals, but I did stick to the anti-goals – quite well actually. One thing that did work over the past year is to have a theme that I stuck to more than strict regimented goals. One of the goals was to take more care of my appearance, and as time has gone on, this has developed into taking more general care of myself.

Reflecting back on the year, a theme worked really well and I want to bring this into my 2019 goals, instead of having a goal, I will set a personal development theme. My anti-goals were also a real success so I’m planning on bringing those back too. But back to the goals.

I recently read a blog post by Albertine about lifestyle guilt of the 20 somethings. That guilt that most of us get when we aren’t saving enough money. The guilt we get when we aren’t striving to live our parents lives. I related so much to this post in so many ways. When you’re in your mid 20’s you are constantly bombarded with articles about 20 year olds who bought their first home (Never in London…). People assume you’re saving for a deposit on your first home, to then upgrade to a larger one to get ready for children. This life you never signed up for is laid out for you, and people get disappointed when you don’t follow their ‘path’. The amount of people who feel personally victimised because I said I wanted to elope instead of have a £30k wedding just shows how invested people are in this idealised view of life.

But what Albertine’s post really made me do, was look at the way I’ve viewed my life over the past 5 years. In that time I’ve graduated from Uni, had 2 jobs, bought a home and got a puppy. Each time I achieved something, I was on to the next thing. I barely took 3 minutes to process what I had, really appreciate it and be thankful before focussing on my next big thing. The thing about habits like this is that they are ingrained in us at such a young age. We are constantly tested at school, moving up every year. As an adult you don’t have the same path, you don’t get a gold star when you do well and it can become hard to really know your worth. When for years your worth has been dictated by grades, as an adult material things like houses, cars and salaries are how a lot of us grade ourselves.

Up until recently I was happy thinking like this. I am a Virgo and I like to feel like i’m doing well. I think this is why I like social media so much, the little follower and like numbers go up to show you you’re doing a good job. But what i’ve been missing out on by thinking like this, is the journey and real appreciation of what I have. I have become so consumed by having more, being more and owning more. I’ve barely been in my place a few years and I am already browsing right move for a larger place. What I have is more than enough, but for some reason I want more rooms, more rooms to fill with more stuff, more stuff to spend money on.

In 2019 I really want to focus on appreciating what I have. I’ve been caught up in a cycle of wanting, getting then wanting more for so long that I really think it will be good for me to have nothing big to really focus on.

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