I thought it was worth writing up this post, as well as my little vlog to reintroduce myself, and this blog.
What’s been going on?
Over the past few years I have blogged and vlogged on and off and my inconsistency has been very noticeable. I feel like I get a burst of motivation to share my love of beauty and fashion with the world but end up completely exhausted, kind of down a lot of the time and just generally unsure of myself.
There are a lot of things about how I am online that I just don’t really recognise and that don’t show my values, but I thought that was part of the blogger life. The main thing that has been bothering me a lot over the past year is the idea that I could have a successful blog or youtube channel without spending loads of money on it. I feel like where my passion has faded I end up putting my motivation in the next makeup item or the next primark haul to help keep up momentum. Even things like investing in camera equipment hoping that, if the quality of my videos was good, nobody would notice how little I cared for what I was talking about.
Don’t get me wrong, when I started the beauty blog I was in love with makeup (I still am, I adore makeup). I would look forward to buying a new item from superdrug on the weekend, testing it out all week and deciding if it was one of my holy grail items. I used to love reading other people’s blogs and hearing about what items they loved. I took a photo of a half used conditioner bottle for a post about how much I loved pantene.
I loved the excitement I used to get for makeup
One thing that I have always struggled with though is the idea that I am seen as authentic online. For a while I posted your standard creative beauty shots on instagram, I grew a ton and often get friends saying the loved and miss those posts. All the while I felt like such a fraud doing them. I love makeup, and I love being creative but these were never looks I wore outside and they were looks I knew would perform well on instagram.
One of my main issues (this is going to sound so bigheaded now) is that my creative standards are quite high. I love photography, videography and work as a designer so know my way around photoshop. I often find that people mistake this more professional look of my content for passion.
Where I’m at now
Over the past year I have really gotten into the idea of minimalism, mindfulness and wellbeing. Things that I feel really hypocritical writing about when I also have a £100 primark haul once a month.
It was last week when having a real konmari clear out that I accepted that ‘April beauty blogger’ has got to go. I went through all my makeup and the only things I kept were things I loved and sparked joy. The funny thing about all of the things that I kept, is that they were often the first pieces of makeup I owned when starting out. Things such as my naked palette and modern renaissance palettes were kept without question whereas a lot of the newer palettes I bought have been binned.
The same goes for my clothes. Almost all of the clothes that I threw out (and donated i’m not that wasteful) were from primark hauls. Things bought with the intention of showing them off online and not things I would have hauled otherwise. I feel like this is making me look really fake, I love Primark and often have little sprees there. But when I know I want to do a monthly haul, and my fashion sense is plain at best, I often opted for items outside of my usual style; these were items that I liked, but really truly had no place in my wardrobe (hello sequin hot pants).
For the longest time I thought me online had to be linked to a niche, I had to find what that was and have it all figured out before I even started to post. I was too scared to branch out because all I had ever been told was to create my core niche and not to deviate from it, which is why we are here.
So here I am, April – Blogger and youtuber with no niche, no longer a style youtuber, no longer a beauty blogger. Hopefully you’ll stay with me on this journey and we’ll find my passion for blogging again together.
Thanks for being here, reading this and just being an amazing human